The Re-view

Four girls from London hang out together. Two are sisters called Vernie and Easther (with a silent ‘a’) Bennett. The other two are called Louise and Kellé. They release a song called ‘Stay’. It’s a big hit.

As their debut album becomes the first by a girl group to sell over a million copies in the UK, tensions rise in the band. Louise gets annoyed by getting the bit that doesn’t need much singing on their single ‘Crazy’. It becomes their lowest charting track to date. 

In a fit of rage, Louise quits the band. “I’m OUT” she declares. She looks up to the sky and sings “Only you can release me…”

As she is suspended in to the air, the remaining three reach out to a disappearing Louise before police sirens kick in…

[Curtain comes down for interval]

Act 2 opens with Kellé in a confessional. It soon becomes apparent that she feels guilt for Louise’s departure. 

The priest says “Oh, Kellé. Do not blame yourself. It’s those terrible sisters. And anyway, Louise has gone on to do very well for herself. Check this out.” With that, he passes his iPhone through the confessional window.

Having seen her former friend resort to singing about feeling lips and fingertips deep inside, Kellé feels sickened and the burden lifts. As she walks out of the confessional box in to the church, a gospel choir starts to sing. 

The Bennett sisters come up to Kellé and embrace her. “Don’t worry Kel,” says Vernie. “Louise will regret she messed with us. We’re going to have a number one hit soon.” 

A few months later, the girls secure US legend Bebe Winans for a duet. He is the brother of CeCe who once sang with Whitney. They get a massive Summer #1 and are called to perform on TOTP. Alas for reasons unknown, Bebe can’t get a permit to come over. Instead Ian Pitter had to sing with them instead.

The Bennetts are furious and blame Kellé as she was responsible for sending off his form. A few weeks of being frozen out later, and Kellé is sat at her desk consoling herself reading fan mail when her fax machine beeps. A letter prints out. It’s the Bennetts. It says “You’re fired.”

Kellé storms round to their two up, two down and sings with her broken heart up to their bedroom window. 

 The Bennetts look out sneering at a forlorn Kellé. 

Now a duet, the Bennetts release their bedroom window ode and a rather good album that is criminally overlooked by the British music-buying public. They disappear for over a decade before surfacing on Twitter where they’re faced with the daily temptation of reuniting to satisfy their 90s pop-hungry fans who refuse to grow old gracefully. They all agree to meet again. 

The girls fall in to one anothers’ arms. Louise repents for releasing music that is laced with sexual innuendo but reminds the others that she also did a track called ‘Pandora’s Kiss’ where she was in a box. It was how she felt being in Eternal. Everyone understands.

A reunion is announced and the curtain comes down as the girls sing their greatest album track of all time. They let Louise do backing vocals. 

ENCORE! ENCORE!